How to Be Rude: An Anti-Guide to Blogging and Social Media

September 16th, 2009 by Easton Ellsworth

We’ve heard a lot about rudeness lately.

Shall I mention names? Serena, Joe and Kanye spring instantly to mind.

If a star tennis player, a prominent politician and a world-famous rap artist can do it, why shouldn’t you?

Here’s how to be inconsiderate, uncouth and downright rude on your blog and in your social media efforts.

Step 1: Stop Listening

This is the exact opposite of one of my all-time favorite business blogging tips. What’s there to listen to anyway? It’s all mindless babble, right?

Why bother following what people are saying about you and your company/organization on Twitter or Facebook or LinkedIn or any other social networking website? What good would listening do? You’ve got a message to sell.

Don’t pay any attention to what people are saying about anything else, either. If you want to make a widget, make a widget. Want to publish a book or sell an ebook about your life, your lessons, your business? Do it. No need to ping anybody for input. Feedback is for sissies.

While we’re at it, you can forget about listening to what people aren’t saying as well. The comments they aren’t leaving at your blog. The votes and thumbs-ups they’re not giving you. The rave reviews you’re not seeing in forums, message boards and comment threads.

So what if the microphone is in someone else’s hands? So what is the spotlight is shining on another’s face?

Social media rudeness is all about you, baby …

Step 2: Stop Caring

… And because it’s all about you, who else matters?

When you start caring about what people think, you open yourself up to all kinds of pain. Why put yourself through all that? It’s so much easier to just speak your mind and go your own way.

The successful blogger and new media types who do care? They’re just pretending. They must be, right? Or maybe they really do care, but they could be getting so much more money and fame if they stopped bothering.

One of the best ways to be rude – and therefore, one of the best ways to guarantee that you’ll never achieve social media marketing success – is to stop caring about anything and anyone else except for you and your stuff.

Step 3: Stop Sharing

Sharing is tough. Sharing means selflessness. Sharing means listening and caring.

The sooner you stop posting about other people’s successes and ideas on Twitter/Facebook/etc., the better. The more space and time you’ll have to devote to strutting your own stuff.

Besides, why would people interested in your brand want to be diverted away to a competitor? Isn’t that antithetical to your quest for domination and control of your niche?

Never mind that whole thing about reciprocity. As you sow, so shall you … however it goes, you’ve long since forgotten.

Step 4: Start Complaining

Now that you’ve stopped listening, caring and sharing in your blogging and social media marketing, the next step is to fill the void. Time for some griping!

Open up your favorite social media hangout. Fire up your YouTube channel, perhaps, or better yet, go live on UStream. Spout off, say whatever you want. Talk mostly about what annoys you and what irks you, especially about other people in your industry.

Complain about the technology. Complain about the conversation. Complain about the chore of going on and on about yourself at that stale company blog and on all those cumbersome social media accounts you’ve got.

Heck, you can even complain about the complaining.

Since when did a positive, grateful attitude lead to online success?

Step 5: Start Being Ugly

Now for some real fun. It’s time to get mean and nasty.

Not to mention unforgiving. Remember that fiasco last year when so-and-so didn’t spread the word about your self-centered viral marketing campaign? You could just forgive them and move on, but where’s the fun in that?

Track ‘em down and give ‘em a piece of your rude, rude mind.

Wait a sec – don’t track ‘em down. Instead, bring them to you. Go on your blog, your Facebook page, your Twitter account, your MySpace, your anything, and just vent. Be as filthy and rotten as you can.

After all, people seem to like that.

Moral of the Story Time

Let’s review, shall we?

The best ways to be rude in your social media and blog marketing:

1. Stop listening.
2. Stop caring.
3. Stop sharing.
4. Start complaining.
5. Start being ugly.

Now get out there and make me proud. And may you fail miserably to the extent that you do these things.

And whatever you do, do NOT leave a comment below. Because I don’t care, and I’m not listening.

Isn’t rudeness wonderful?

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